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Joke

Lateral Thinking

 

A man pushed his car.  He stopped at a hotel and it suddenly dawned on him that he was bankrupt.

 

Why???

 

See here for the answer.

Answer to Lateral Thinking

 

The man was playing the board game “Monopoly and his game piece was a car.

 

Well done Toni

Memory Problems

 

Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other, "Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Outstanding," Fred replied.  "They taught us all the latest psychological techniques - visualization, association - it's made a big difference for me."

 

"That's great! What was the name of that clinic?" Fred went blank.  He thought and thought but couldn't remember.  Then a smile broke across his face and he asked, "What do you call that flower with the long stem and thorns?"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"You mean a rose?"  "Yes, that's it!"  He turned to his wife.  "Rose, what was the name of that clinic?"

When a woman speaks

 

A man asked his wife what she'd like for her 40th birthday. "I'd love to be six again," she replied.

 

On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a Alton Towers theme park.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What a day!  He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear, everything there was! Wow!  Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park, her head reeling and her stomach upside down.

 

Next to a McDonald's they went, where her husband ordered her a Happy Meal along with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake.  Then, it was off to a movie - the latest Disney and what a fabulous adventure!

 

Finally, she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed.  He leaned over and lovingly asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being six again?"

 

One eye opened.  "You idiot, I meant my dress size."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The moral of this story is: When a woman speaks and a man is actually listening, he will still get it wrong.

Moral of the story is!

 

A teacher gave her year four class an assignment:

 

Ask their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.  The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Katy said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg laying hens.  One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the truck when we hit a bump in the road and all the eggs went flying and broke and made a mess."

 

"And what's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher. "Don't put all your eggs in one basket!" "Very good," said the teacher.

 

Next little Sasha raised a hand and said, "Our family are farmers, too.  But we raise chickens for the meat market.  We had a dozen eggs one time, but when they hatched we only had ten live chicks.

 

The moral to this story is, don't count your chickens until they're hatched." "That was a fine story Lucy.  David, do you have a story to share?"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Yes, miss! My daddy told me this story about my Aunt Margaret.  She was a flight engineer during The Gulf War in Iraq and her plane got hit.  She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun and a machete.

 

So... she drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break.  Then she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops.

She killed 70 of them with the machine gun until it ran out of bullets!  Then she killed 20 more with the machete till the blade broke; then she killed the last 10 with her bare hands."

 

"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "what kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?" "Stay away from Aunt Margaret when she's been drinking."

Wrong for a thousand years

 

A young monk arrives at the monastery...

 

He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand.  He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So, the new monk goes to the head abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up!  In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies.  The head monk, says, "We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original manuscripts are held as archives in a locked vault that hasn't been opened for hundreds of years.  Hours go by and nobody sees the old abbot...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him.  He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing.  "We missed the R! We missed the RR! We missed the RRRRR!" His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying  uncontrollably.  The young monk asks the old abbot, "What's wrong, father?"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

With a choking voice, the old abbot replies, "The word was... CELEBRATE!!!"